Twenty-fourth Sunday in Ordinary Time

The Contradiction of Confession

Peter asks Jesus a question that I think all of us have probably asked in one way or another: How many times do I have to forgive someone? And Peter thinks he’s being pretty generous. Seven times? And Jesus basically says: Peter, you’re still counting.

And then he tells us this parable we just heard. A man is forgiven an enormous debt—something he could never repay—and then he turns around and refuses to forgive someone else. And I think there’s a temptation in our own lives to do exactly the same thing.

I sometimes call it the contradiction of confession. Think about what we do when we go to confession. We come before God and say: Lord, forgive me. Have mercy on me. Don’t hold my sins against me. And God forgives us. But then we can walk out of confession and still hold on to what somebody else did to us. God, forgive what I’ve done—but I’m not ready to forgive what they did. There’s the contradiction.

We want mercy for ourselves, but sometimes we’re not nearly as generous with mercy when it comes to somebody else. And Sirach puts it pretty strongly today: “Could anyone nourish anger against another and expect healing from the Lord?” That’s a tough question.

Because forgiveness isn’t easy. And Jesus isn’t telling us that what somebody did to us doesn’t matter. Forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending we weren’t hurt. It doesn’t mean saying what happened was okay. And sometimes it doesn’t even mean that the relationship can go back to what it was.

But it does mean that at some point I have to stop carrying it. I have to place that person—and what happened—into the hands of God. Because otherwise, I can spend years allowing something somebody did to me to continue having power over me.

And then think about the prayer we pray all the time: Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. We say those words so easily. But they’re actually pretty serious words. We’re asking God for mercy while at the same time acknowledging that we are called to give mercy.

And maybe that’s the question Jesus leaves us with today. Not simply: Has God forgiven me? We know that he has. Maybe the question is: Who am I still having trouble forgiving? Whose name comes to mind? What hurt am I still carrying? What debt am I still keeping track of?

Maybe there’s someone we’ve forgiven seven times—and now we’re saying, “That’s enough.” And Jesus says: Stop counting.

That doesn’t mean forgiveness happens overnight. Sometimes the most honest prayer we can make is: “Lord, I don’t know how to forgive this person yet. Maybe part of me doesn’t even want to. But you have been merciful to me. Help me to begin.”

Because that’s really what Jesus is asking of us. The mercy we receive from God cannot stop with us. We come before him and say: “Lord, have mercy on me.” And then he sends us out and says: “Now take that mercy and give it to someone else.”